Today, much to my delight, I got a text from a beautiful friend of mine that said…
JB: “whatchya up to today? I have to go Easton around 4:30.”
ME: “weeeee!!! I’m in!!” (It felt FANtastic to respond that way.)
I worked on all things photos until about 3:00pm when I decided if I’m going to Easton, I’m going to wash my hair and put on makeup. 🙂 So I did. I even attempted a little bit of “dress the bump” to accent my little pudge instead of wearing yet another baggy sweater. I was feeling fabulous.
I grabbed my car keys and headed outside to my car. I tried to unlock the doors, but my key fob wouldn’t work. I’d been having issues with it recently where it randomly would or wouldn’t unlock/lock my car. Not right now, is all I kept thinking. Please, please work. I pressed the unlock button hard. I pressed it softly. I said a prayer. Nothing was working. I threw the keys down in frustration…then tried it again thinking that may have “jiggled” something. It didn’t.
Then I did the worst thing possible. Because our Kia Sorento is a keyless entry with a push-button-start, you must only unlock it with the key fob. Otherwise you will set off the alarm. I decided to risk it anyway. I stuck the key in the driver’s side door, turned it and opened the door. For about 2.3 seconds nothing happened!! Silence!! This is the time it won’t set off the alarm! Off to Easton I go!!
No. After 2.3 seconds, the alarm starts going off like any annoying car alarm. The school across the street is dismissing and I’m getting lots of looks. I calmly get out of the car, go to the sidewalk and start pressing the unlock/lock button as I begin to panic. Nothing. So I go up my front steps (alarm still going off) and try again. Nothing. I step in my house after frantically unlocking the door to escape the gawkers and try one more time from inside the house. Nope.
I whip the keys to the hardwood floor in pure frustration while screaming “I HATE THIS CAR!!!!!” (There were expletives involved, but I’ll keep this PG.) The alarm stops. 🙂
I look down and my key fob has shattered. Into 6 pieces.
Now I’m very, very angry. And devastated all at the same time.
I stomp up the stairs, randomly screaming how much I hate this car. It’s like I have turrets. In hindsight I’m thankful no one was home or around to witness it. I called Kia and basically demanded that they walk me through the process of putting this back together. I sorta, kinda feel bad for the guy who answered because I was on the war path. They were mystified, of course. (Here is where I take my stand and say support Detroit. Don’t buy foreign cars…but that’s for another post.) Obvi…Kia can’t help me. I did ask if they often get complaints about the key fobs not working. Jeremy – you better believe I got his name – said “in the eight years he’s been working there he’s never had a complaint about a Kia key fob.” Bullllllllllllllllllllllllll-shizz.
I hang up and start to get a little teary. I text Drew – in all caps so he knows I’m seriously mad – my dire situation.
Next, I did what my mother would do…search the Internet. Nothing. NO INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO PUT YOUR KEY FOB BACK TOGETHER. So now begins trial and error. (It was the two batteries that were really making things tough. Where did they go? Which way? ) 7 attempts. It took seven angry attempts and yelling at my car (who thankfully remained silent) before I heard the precious “beep-beep” sound of it unlocking.
So what did I do next? Well it was too late to meet Jenny. (Sorry JB. Birthday dessert soon.) So I went to my computer and made a tutorial. For the future angry (and maybe pregnant) broken key fobbed souls.
- A. I was missing a spontaneous trip to Easton – best mall ever
- B. The fact that my car was failing me when I needed it
…that truly sent me over the edge. Possibly a combo? Bottom line: there is now a tutorial (laced with sarcasm and frustration) that will hopefully help someone who desperately can’t get their battery back in their key fob.
I have 6 more months of these glorious, unpredictable hormones to endure. No key fob is safe.